I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When are your genitals available?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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