omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
