I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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