Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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