help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm like, not good at living.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
