she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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