Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he shaved USA in his pubs
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
