Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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