omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
