My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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