am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There's always time for handjobs
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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