It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I don't think brook has ever known best
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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