Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
