You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
