Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also, beer. Big fan.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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