That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
