Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
