i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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