ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
