I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
