Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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