I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
