I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
