Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
