i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
