The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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