So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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