I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
