You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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