I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
