How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
