Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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