Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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