I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
