susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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