i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
