I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
