We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
