got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
