8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
