I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
