drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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