So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
