on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
