Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
