Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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