woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
