I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
