As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
