Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
