How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
