I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
